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Tuesday, 27 January 2009

theres no way, theres no way i can do this. i wont put myself through it anymore. you don't care about me, i'm convinced. the things you say, they're so God damn hurtful... you dont even realize how mean you are! telling me i'm too needy and all i want is attention, is that THAT much of a problem? really? because i wish you needed me as much as i need you. i'm tired of feeling like you dont care. and i'm tired of caring too much. and you tell me im overbearing and too much. im crying to the point where i cant breathe. i love you and you dont love me. im shaking. and i'll die without you. but you dont feel the same.

Monday, 26 January 2009

Currently
Cassadaga
By Bright Eyes
if the breakman turns my way
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It doesn't always bother me, but sometimes it does. sometimes it's just like... what's more important you know? but it sucks that if theres a band coming here or something he wants to do its like "OMG we HAVE to go", when i might not even like the band. It doesn't ALWAYS bother me. It doesn't. It's our year and a half though... so now, it bothers me. It bothers me a lot.
I don't brag, but because of that, right now, i'm gonna brag.
i'm a great girlfriend. i don't ask him for money or clothes or gifts. i tell him every holiday and occasion that i want him MAKE me a gift with his own hands. that might seem like a lot to ask, it takes time but it's meaningful. that's all i ask for. that, and his time. I don't want anything. I don't need anmything besides his time. He can not give me another gift for THE REST OF OUR LIVES and i'd be fine. but he puts me through a lot. he puts me through the 3 times a week bad mood days, making fun of me and then telling me i dont have a sense of humor when i ask him to stop, him consistantly talking to the ONE person i ask him not to talk to, him not telling me stuff and then saying he didn't think i wanted to know. its FUCKING hard. it's difficult and thoughout all of that i still remain the same person, and comfort him and don't ask him for anything. all i want from him is this one stupid monthiversary. all i want is for him to not drag me to this concert, a concert which i don't even really like the band that much.
the fact of the matter is that i could never tell him this. i could never tell you that i don't want to go because i know that if i did, he'd play martyr and it'd be the worst night ever. i guess i just have to take what i can get because he obviously wants to go, otherwise he wouldn't flip out in excitement about them coming here. this whole blog has been complete bullshit and i feel pathetic (but better) for writing it. ugh. tevz.

until next time.
-i'monlysleeping

Monday, 12 January 2009

Currently
On Letting Go
By Circa Survive
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My Scariest Nightmare - The Uninvited Contest

nothing ever seems as vivid as a nightmare, not even real life. i just cant stop thinking about it. no monster or murderer could ever scare me more than hurting him. but i did, and i felt it. maybe it's my subconscious warning me of what my actions could lead to, or maybe it's just my greatest fear intensified. either way, i'll never let me dream come true. so i'll tell everyone, in hopes that the rumor was more than just something in song, and that i can keep control of me and not let the monsters of myself take me (or us) down.

I just blogged about my scariest nightmare to enter The Uninvited Scariest Nightmare Contest for 1,000 credits. You can earn free credits too! Brought to you by The Uninvited - In Theaters January 30th.

Tuesday, 06 January 2009

Currently
Plans
By Death Cab for Cutie
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it's all for the kill.

i just think it's wrong, i don't know why. i will never be okay with there being millions of animals being tortured and killed all over the world. i just think it's crazy. like when you think about it, how did anyone ever come to the conclusion to kill an animal? i'll never stomach the idea of it it's crazy, and it's wrong. the real question is, how do we even know what's right from wrong? what if it was the other way around and everything just that we did was really corrupt and wrong. i guess we can't know that, we just have to go off what we have. whatevz. until next.

-imonlysleeping

ps. incase anyone is wondering, this was sparked odd of this picture of j cook from forever the sickest kids:
http://i243.photobucket.com/albums/ff32/nkallday1/attachment-1.jpg